Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Dreaded C Word...

I had a fun, crafty blog post ready to share today, but it’s going to have to wait. I have something on my mind that I could really use your help with. 


Change is hard. Change is also inevitable. Things never stay the same. They’re in a constant state of motion. Ebb and flow. Evolution. Shift. 
I have and always have had a hard time with change. Especially big change. I like comfort. Things I know. People I know. Skills I know. The life I know. Don’t get me wrong. I love spontaneity. I love meeting new people. Learning new skills. Taking on new challenges. But I like these things happening while the foundation stays the same. 
Change. scares. me.
I know. It happens everyday. I see friends, family, and coworkers making major changes in their lives all the time. But, even if it’s THEIR change, if it impacts me in the slightest way, I feel it. I worry. I think about it. A LOT. And I often get sad, especially if their change involves them not being a regular fixture in my life anymore for whatever reason (move, new job, etc.). 
Today, however, I felt a big push for change in a particular area of my life. I didn’t see it coming. And I don’t want to see it now. But it’s here. It’s tapping on my shoulder, telling me... 

...something needs to change. 

I don’t know what that looks like, exactly. I don’t know if it’s a change in thinking or if it’s bigger than that. Honestly, I’m probably lying to myself (and to you) by saying that. I think I really know that it IS bigger, but I don’t want it to be. I want to be comfortable. I want to be confident. For me, confidence comes from doing what I know. Being who I know. Change takes all of that and turns it on its head.
My question for you--how do you know when it’s time to make a change? 

Do you just feel it in your gut as I did today? If so, do you acknowledge that feeling, or do you shove it back down? If you acknowledge, how do you go about doing that? Do you act on it right away? If you shove it back, do you find it ultimately shows itself anyway, or do you move on and still feel fulfilled, never to hear from it again?
I’m torn. I want to shove. I want to ignore. Who knows, maybe it won’t even be an issue when the sun comes up. What if I act prematurely and find myself regretting the decision? 

I’m sick. I’ve been sick for over a week with the cold that won’t die. This has to alter my perspective. 

I’m on a new medicine, which is also messing with me. 

Speaking of medicine, I’m currently without my narcolepsy medicine, which always makes a BIG impact. 

I’m stressed. I’ve been away from the office for two full weeks. That makes for a lot of catch-up. 

In other words, I’m probably not of sound mind. And I probably wasn’t when this desire for change hit me. SO, I’m left. Pondering...


Courtney Walsh said...


I can only speak from my own experience...but I'm much like you. A creature of habit. I like my cozy little cocoon and didn't want anything to disrupt my life... but a little over a year ago now, I started feeling that gut wrenching feeling like you. I could've ignored it, but I knew that it was affecting not just me, but my whole family...and I knew we'd be happier (and healthier) if we faced it head on.

The result? A MAJOR life change--a cross country move. A new job for my husband and a LOT of upheaval. (Did I spell that right?) But you know what? I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING. It was definitely the right choice for us...I tend to think you CAN ignore that gut feeling...and it may go away for awhile, but it'll probably come back.

Good luck to you...just know you're SO not alone in this! :)

Alison said...

Hi Megan,

First of all, I'm sorry to hear you have been struggling with being ill -- that in itself can be really stressful, especially when you have to miss work.

I can totally relate to hating change. I dread change -- it makes me ill! I am happiest and most comfortable when I am surrounded by my usual routine life and the people and things I know. Sometimes change is best when it's forced on me, because if I had to choose it I'm not sure I would.

In my experiences I have learned to listen to my gut. Some of the best things in my life would never have happened if I hadn't listened to my gut feeling.

I am a worrier as well and combined with change it can be tough. I don't have much advice or help, but it sounds like something it definitely nagging at you. I would just consider all aspects of the part of your life you are thinking of changing. Maybe make a pro/con list, or just see how things go. Sometimes change happens for you without having to make a choice. I don't know if you can know 100% for sure if it's time to make a change, but I think that's when your gut feeling comes into it.

Listen to your heart and what is calling you. Think it out, talk it out. Even though we don't know each other well, you remind me so much of myself. I think no matter what you do you in any part of your life you will be successful!

Good luck to you Megan. Try not to stress too much. Maybe things will just unfold for you.

JulieHRR said...

Oh, Megan. Yes, I've been there. During a highly stressful time--my mother was ill, my father needed my help, I was juggling motherhood and a full-time job, and I was spinning . . . And, this feeling in the pit of my stomach started, and every time I walked in to work, it grew. And, I tried to ignore it, to deny it . . . but it just kept on seeping into every waking moment . . . I needed a change . . .

It was VERY scary. For both my husband and myself.

I was lucky in that I could take a year's leave of absence from teaching, and take time to really consider what path to take . . . I don't know what your situation is, and whether or not that is an option for you.

I don't regret the change we made--I say we, because of course, when you're married, big life changes usually affect your spouse.

Since then, there have been other major life changes, and we've ridden the waves that come with, together. I cannot imagine doing so alone and am thankful every day we have each other to hold on to, and each other to support, throughout them.

{{{{{{{{Megan}}}}}}}}} It does help, tho, to be rested before making a life-changing decision.

sarahw said...

I can tell by reading your post how torn and anquished you feel. I applaud you for being honest and open about what has been bothering you. I know when I have huge decisions that need to be made I do the whole pro/con list thing. It helps to see things in writing. I also have faith in the end that the decision I make is going to be the right one. Good luck and feel better.

Robert said...

As an expert at always trying to change, but more often than not failing, I say if you feel that change is needed, just do it. I have learned over the past few years that change is inevitable, but it is also very easy to resist. There have been many points over the past five years or so in my life where I thought I should make a change. Sometimes these were drastic changes, affecting my entire life from top to bottom. Sometimes they were minor changes, affecting a small part of a daily routine.

I guess what I am trying to say is this: change is inevitable. You can either embrace it and dictate the direction it takes you in or be swept up in it and be dragged along for the ride. I don't know about you, but I prefer to be the one making my own destiny.

Take care of yourself and I hope you feel better. If you need to chat, you know how to reach me. Love ya!

jengd said...

I hear where you're coming from. I've had some major changes in my life in the past 4 years- changes I didn't want and to some extent, still don't. The only thing I can say is trying to see the bright side of it, it's likely to be hiding there in the confused gloom, and hang on to that. If in the end you do need to make the change, that may help you pull you through to the other side a little quicker and happier. Hang in there!

Lydia said...

I, like you, am a creature of familiar comfort. I function best in environments that I know and don't handle change well either. But when that change is suppose to happen, it does and the outcome is better than we could ever imagine. If you had told me 10 or even 5 years ago that I would be living in New Zealand and LOVING it, I wouldn't have believed you for a second. I so love our new life here. I hope that you will be able to see clearly, to know without emotions getting involved if that change needs to happen. Hope you feel well soon.